Accessories designers have been trying their hardest the past few seasons to make fanny packs, erm, excuse me, belt bags take off, but I think it might be time for the Regina George school of hard knocks: stop trying to make it happen, guys. Even with a crafty rebranding from the shudder-inducing “fanny pack” to something a bit chicer sounding, they haven’t quite found their footing (seen any fanny packs on the red carpet lately? not so much). And honestly? I’m so bummed.
I love fanny packs. I wish you could wear them without encountering odd side glances and comments from friends. Like everyone, my first experience happened in elementary school when they were legitimately cool. We had a long breakup until immediately after college graduation, when a stint spent working on music videos (I did a Britney one, guys!) required me to keep essentials handy, but also be free to run around manically to grab people or things or bottles of water. It was awesome. I had a pen, my cell phone, lip balm, gum, and keys, plus a random smattering of other essentials, with me at all times. Basically, everything you’d keep in your purse, but it felt light as a feather around my waist. On-set it was a super normal thing, so no one cared, much less noticed.
Flash forward a couple of years to when I decided to pack mine for a pal’s bachelorette party in New Orleans. I loaded it up with essentials, strapped it on over a summery maxi dress and hit Bourbon Street. None of my girlfriends would admit it, but even with the teasing, I think somewhere inside they were jealous at how easily I could hold a beer, dance, and generally walk down the street without a care in the world.